Make talentless wankers history
Lately
it seems that every time I turn on my television set, that fat,
useless, Irish wanker, Dildo, is there, snapping his fingers. This
is, apparently, something to do with a charity called "make
poverty history", an organisation that aggressively promotes
capitalism over indigenous lifestyles in third world countries. I
have never figured out what the finger clicking is about, I just
watch long enough to realise that Dildo has absolutely no sense of
timing whatsoever.
This
advert is one of a plethora of charity ads currently doing the
rounds. They usually consist of some terrible scene of torture with a
lugubrious voice over saying.
"See
this, this is all your fault this is. You are doing this to this poor
child/animal/third world county. This is happening because you wont
give us your fucking money. That's right. This child/animal/third
world country is being tortured because you spent your hard earned
cash on a well deserved holiday instead of giving it to us, you
bastard. Just because you spend sixty hours a week working in a
shitty cubicle farm in conditions that a battery farmed pig would not
put up with, does not give you the right to spend your own money on
yourself. This is your fault, so give us your fucking money."
Usually
voiced by some "personality" who has more money than you
will ever see in your entire working life.
Bad
enough that someone of absolutely infinitesimal talent has
a colossal amount of money. At least I avoided contributing to that
by not buying their shit CDs. He is now on my television, which I
have to pay to watch, listening
to him tell me how good capitalism is for the third world. Because
if you think for one minute that some local warlord or drug cartel is
not going to exploit "fair trade" for
their own capital gain, then you are even more stupid than I think
you are. For reference, I already think you are pretty damn stupid.
European farming practises are not suitable for the plains of central
Africa, you only have to see the damage caused to the local ecosystem
by the sinking of a single well to realise that. The water taken from
the well is great for the local, non nomadic, villagers and their
livestock. But totally shit for the wildlife and the indigenous
nomadic people who used to rely on having a decent water
table.
Now,
to top it all, I am one of the worlds poor, having eventually been
laid off. Good. It was a shit company and I wanted a break anyway. In
a classic piece of management cock up, the redundancy notices were
handed out on a Friday. This Friday, however, was the first
of April traditionally
called April Fool's day. Some of the drones who were getting the chop
thought it was a joke and were confused, others upset, or, like me
after finding out it was not a joke, elated. Either way we all
reacted in the same manner and trashed the place. The money saved
from giving us the shove will be spent on rebuilding the majority of
the office block that we managed to destroy. A few managers will be
on extended sick leave, recovering in traction after having their
shit totally ruined. I am thinking of starting a charity to help keep
up the payments on my mortgage. All I need is to get hold of some
media personality. I do not care if he is willing to give up his time
and effort to aid the cause. If they are so passionate about it, let
them give up their money, ALL of it. Sell the jets, the houses and
the limo's and go back to living on a council estate with nothing to
keep them warm but their total lack of talent. And get off my fucking
television.
